Dear Diary
by JuliaBeth
Summary: A boy not yet a man deals with growing up fast? Updated!!!! Chapter three is up
1. First Night without Papi

Dear Diary,  
  
Today, my life ended. My everything is gone. How are we going to make it without Papi? Papi was the glue that held our life together. Is our lives going to fall apart, now? I want to go with him. Is that selfish?  
  
Maybe I should tell you what happened. Papi and Dom had a race today. Momma worked at the diner. I went to Letty's. Papi and Dom weren't supposed to be home until late tonight. I knew something was wrong when Momma called me to come home at lunch.  
  
I ran all the way from Letty's. Dom and Momma was waiting for me when I got there. Papi wasn't with them. I knew something was wrong. I didn't want to hear what they had to say, but I couldn't move. I couldn't make my feet go. My legs wouldn't go. I was just riveted in place.  
  
"Mia, baby," Momma said. "There was an accident. Your Papi..."  
  
"He's hurt?" I asked. "Where is he? Is he at the hospital? Why are we here? Let's go see him."  
  
"Baby," Momma was crying. "Papi didn't..."  
  
I couldn't hear it. I couldn't. Suddenly it was as if the weight holding me down was lifted. I ran.  
  
I ran out the door. I don't know where I was intending to go other than away from their words. My Papi wasn't dead. He isn't dead. Dom caught me. He wouldn't let me go. He made me hear. But it doesn't matter. I don't believe them. I won't believe them. My Papi is alive. He's coming back. I'll wake up tomarrow and this will all be a horrible dream and he'll be here. I crawl in his lap and tell him all about my awful dream and he'll promise never to leave me. Just like always. He's not gone. He'll never leave his little Princess Mia. I'll just go to sleep and this will all be over. They're lying to me. I know it. This is all a dream. It has to be.  
  
Only, sleep won't come. Sleep won't come and I can't wake up.  
  
Please, Papi. Please, Papi, don't be dead. We need you.  
  
Mia Toretto  
  
Nov. 10  
  
Age 15 


	2. The Lost Day

Dear Diary,  
  
Today is even worse. Papi isn't here. I want him. This isn't fair. Papi is young and healthy and he just can't be...be... what they say he is. It's Sunday. Our day. Our day for our family. No shop, no work, just friends, family, and food. Lots of food. Well, we have that, at least. People, our nieghbors, keep coming in and out, all with something to eat. Isn't it funny the things you notice when you're trying to notice everything but one thing?  
  
This is the first sunday in my life that we didn't go to one Mass service or another. I don't know why. I can't look at these four walls any longer.  
  
If one more person tells me how sorry they are, I swear I'm gonna scream. I'm sick of that. They didn't cause it, it wasn't thier fault so they should quit apologizing already. I'm going outside.  
  
Okay, Diary, I'm back. There was just too many people in the house. I can't stand this. I'm gonna lose my mind. Everyone keeps saying I'm heartbroken. Well, if this is what a broken heart feels like, I want to know just what's so romantic about it. It hurts to even breathe.  
  
Papi's brother, Uncle Givaino, came by this morning. I guess I had dozed off, up in my room, then I heard him, down in the kitchen talking. I thought it was my Papi. I ran all the way down there. He was at the table, with his arms around Dominic. I was so happy, then he looked up. Uncle Givaino. I couldn't take it. I collapsed right there. Crying, again. Then he cried, and I felt even worse. I mean, it's not his fault he sounds like Papi and looks like Papi, is it?  
  
He avoided me the rest of the morning. Dom says he just didn't want to upset me anymore. Just before he left, he found me and hugged me. He told everything was going to be all right, but is it?  
  
Vince just brought me a coke and some food. He said Momma and Dominic said I was to eat all of it.  
  
Good old Vince. I don't think Dom would be able to stay as strong as he's being, if Vince weren't here. Letty was here, of course, and even though she's my best friend, she's Dom's girlfriend, so he held onto her pretty tight.  
  
Momma is a wreck.  
  
I want to cry, but I don't think I have anymore tears left. Can you run out of tears?  
  
Vince says Dom said to make sure I eat something so it looks like the only way I'm gonna get rid of him and get to be alone again is to eat. Later.  
  
Mia Toretto  
  
Nov. 11, 1 p.m.  
  
Age 15 


	3. Dominic's Lost Day

Journal Entry  
  
Nov. 11  
  
Dominic Toretto  
  
I know this is supposed to be my racing journal, filled with wins and losses, how the car is running, what repairs to make, what to repeat and most of the time in my case, what to never ever do again. There were at least ten things a race, but Papi said that was all a part of learning. I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to race again, but Uncle Givaino says I will. He says it's in our blood.  
  
Mia's sleeping. Finally. She's passed out on top of the blankets on my bed, but the house is warm enough it she should be fine. Poor little baby. She looks like a little lost lamb. Just like I feel.  
  
I had to tell Nana that Papi was dead. I thought she was going to die too. She just kept saying, "Not my Tony. Not my son." It was awful. I'll never do anything like that again. But it wasn't exactly like Momma could do it. Nana hasn't said a civil word to her since the day I was born. I don't know why. She just don't like her. I guess I could have waited for Uncle Givaino to get here, but it's my responsability. I have to be a man now. Nobody to get me out my shit anymore. I'm gonna quit school, so I can keep up the garage, full time. Momma's gonna throw a fit, but I don't care. Mia can be the one to finish college. Momma can't make it just by selling groceries and serving lunches. The store barely pulls in enough to cover it's expenses and pay the mortgage. It's the garage that pulls in the real money, and she knows it. Papi just keeps the store open cause he can't bear to see all his Papi's hardwork go to ruin. Of course, the only reason the garage makes any money is cause everybody want's Tony Toretto to work on their car. He's the best or he was the best. I wonder how we'll do without him.  
  
Lender walked today. The judge ruled it an accident. Accident my ass. You don't go from the outside of the track to the inside wall like that on accident. He walked and he'll be back at the tracks saturday. Damn him. He'd better not say one word to me. Ever.  
  
The services start tomarrow. Today is what my family calls the lost day. The day between arranging everything and the services. The day when you don't really know what to do with yourself. When you are just lost. I know what that means now.  
  
Mia is awake and crying again. I think I'm going for a ride and Mia is going with me. She needs to get away. We both need to get away. 


End file.
